Breaking & Entering

Ever felt like you're in a particular group, you celebrate, you cry, you cheer, you have fun together with them..

Than all of a sudden, you realize that you aren't part of the group anymore. Not because you got 'kicked' out, it's because you've never actually broke into their circle before...

This happens all the time for me.. Weirdly.. Be it a group or a single person, its just heart wrenching to know that you aren't even a lightweight in their mind. Just when you thought you hold a significant role and are of certain importance, your world comes crashing down suddenly.

Insignificance. Really? How do you feel about yourself? How do you think people are looking at you? Are you really that important?

Self delusion is actually a great form of escape, but logical weihao says. stop kidding yourself. But illogical weihao says theres hope! You can work your way through it!

In the past, i used to divert my attention and go on to do something wholeheartedly, but nowadays, i find that i just don't have the time nor energy to concentrate on something..

I remember a acquaintance once said to me, "why are you doing what you're doing, isn't it boring?", referring to my lifestyle. I lied and said i like it this way. But who the hell doesn't wanna have fun? But i find that doing monotonous stuff are most effective in keeping my thoughts straight. Which was how i spend 1/2 my life living. Avoiding thinking, avoiding problems, and ignoring everything. They thought i couldn't care less, but i cared, deep down in the darkest corner.

When i fall, you have no idea how deep i go..

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